Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
