he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
