If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
