Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
