just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
