How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
