Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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