Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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