Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
