i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
