some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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