i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I bet he comes in French.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
