either way he was missing a nipple.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
