I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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