My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are all done wearing pants today
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
