Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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