I wish my penis had an off switch
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
