i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
