Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
