i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
