Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will be naked everywhere
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
