I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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