Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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