Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
