Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
