I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
