I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
