Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
