After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
