i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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