Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
