I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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