in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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