That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You smell like stripper and shame
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
