She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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