if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
