I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
