Already got asked if we're dating
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
