Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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