he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
