i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
