What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
