it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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