In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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