pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
