nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
