Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
