can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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