He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
