I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
