Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
