Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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