she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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