i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
