I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
