I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
