morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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