apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
