wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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