I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
