Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
