We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize