i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
