New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
