Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
