I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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