So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize