took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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