I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
