I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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