I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
