Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
