Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
