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• (618): View more from Illinois

  here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.

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• (805): View more from California

  I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Condoms?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink

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