What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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