He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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