He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
