i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
