This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
