btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
