just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
