our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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