I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
