Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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