ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize