Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
