We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My feet surprised me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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