Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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