my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
