thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
