Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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