textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
