I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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