Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize