U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
