he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
