Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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