totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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